Beautifully Scarred???

I was thinking about why I chose the name Beautifully Scarred for my blog and social media accounts.  It is an odd thing to think about scars being beautiful.  Don't they just remind us of struggles and pain? 

When we are injured, scars form over time as the wound heals.  I believe this is a great analogy for healing from trauma as I know there are different ways of responding to trauma. 

So, just a little education on scars first.  A scar forms when there is damage to the skin.  Over time, the body forms new collagen fibers to mend the wound, which results in the scar.  Also, scars always look different than the skin surrounding it.  Can you see the analogy forming yet?

Trauma damages us, often in intense ways.  Some trauma is heavier than others and cuts so deep you can barely function.  Other traumas are less deep, allowing you the ability to get through the day, but still causing enough damage to create pain.  Either way, you have two options on how to handle the wound

1. Protect the wound.

   1. We can build a wall around the pain, not letting others close because it risks further hurt. It makes sense, though. We do not want to hurt anymore, so we just keep things at a distance. Friends, family, feelings, emotions, experiences…these all can remind us of the pain and intensify the hurt. So, we build a wall to stay safe from re-experiencing it all.

2. Go through the process. Work through the pain, the guilt, the shame…all the emotions and thoughts and heal the wound.

   1. This is hard. It is probably the harder of the two options. This process requires that you face the thing that hurt you, often causing times of intense feelings.

Can you imagine what would happen if there was damage to your skin, a wound was created, and it was not allowed to heal?  Oxygen is a big component of wound healing.  If we decide to create a wall, keeping everything at a distance, the wound becomes distorted and deformed because it cannot heal properly.  This distortion is seen in three different ways:

1. We start to see ourselves in a different way and develop thoughts such as "there is something wrong with me" or "it is all my fault".

2. Perhaps the way we see others change and think they are constantly judging you or see you as a problem.

3. Maybe even your views of the world change and you start to think the world is not safe and you need to stay more isolated.

I am sure you have felt at least one of these changes if you have experienced something traumatic.  It is a natural effect.  Our brain is just finding ways to reorganize what we previously knew, to help make sense of the experience so that we can continue to get along in the world…the new world.  The thing about the first option of building the wall is that this continues, causing you to become bitter or even numb to the pain.

Then there is the second option.  We work through the pain, the guilt, the shame…all the emotions and thoughts. This is the process of the body forming those new collagen fibers to mend the wound.  You are learning to identify the distorted thoughts, mending the wound, facing the fears, confronting the shame, and identifying the lies that come from those places.  You are becoming stronger, the scar is developing. 

When that happens, your memory of the pain is different.  You find beauty from the pain, see yourself as strong and capable… all the things that pain told you that you were not.  The memories will always remain, there was a wound, but it has healed.  You have developed a beautiful scar that no longer says you are wounded, but that you are strong. 

So, that is where I am going with this name.  I want to inspire you to find a way to create beautiful scars.  To work through the pain and hurt.  To see your strength….creating beauty from the pain.